Putting the Mental in Environmentalist

So, my pledge to become a lean, mean, recycling machine was further bolstered, by Sir David’s final episode of Blue Planet 2, which had me in floods of tears within the first twenty minutes and definitely renewed my vigour for being an irritating hippy.

But where exactly does a girl begin? I spent the last week staring around me at all of the plastic things , imagining pens and toothbrushes and disposable cups floating around in the ocean and melting into toxic whirlpools to poison the turtle babies. It’s completely overwhelming, and it made me really understand the mentality of those who think “meh, it won’t matter what I do”, so I decided to take my goal of a zero-waste life room-by-room.

Even that was terrifying, I tried to choose a room which wasn’t going to be a baptism of fire , turns out, there isn’t one. So I settled for the bathroom. As soon as I walked in there my fragile hippy senses were overcome by oodles of plastic and disposables, leering down at me like the Babadook.  Seriously, it’s bloody everywhere – I was running wild with big hairy boys for the majority of my teen years , so I was pretty late to the party when it comes to things like moisturiser and deep conditioning, but now? Now I’m VERY attached. I have a Birchbox subscription, like a real girl. I have fancy brushes. And I have a lot of bottles of magical stuff that I need. NEED. Thing is, those magical bottles all empty and go in the bin in a never ending cycle, ever increasing as I discover new products that I don’t know how I lived without.

Taking a couple of deep breaths and offering up a lot of namaste to the old gods and the new, I started on the shampoo and conditioner.

My criteria was simple- no plastic, going in the bin and no chemicals going into the sea.  The obvious place to hunt, seemed to be Lush, however, it seems that in a bid to protect me, my brain had erased the traumatic memories of actually entering a Lush shop. The smell, although initially enticing, will have me ready to vomit and with a stunning headache inside of ten minutes. Luckily, I was jumped on by a real life pixie as soon as I entered, and I stopped holding my breath long enough to gasp “shampoo bars please” . She kindly plonked me in front of a nice selection and I employed my best teacher proof-reading skills to choose these guys:

and get the heck out of that sweet cave of temptation.

Later, in the tub I suspiciously sniffedat the shampoo bar and tentatively rubbed it on my head feeling like a loon, when lo and behold, bubbles! It lathered up a treat, smelled like newborn baby, and left my hair in cracking shape. So far so good. It seemed prudent to test things seperately, so I used my bog standard conditioner, and after a couple of baths, cracked open the conditioner bar. I was so emboldened by the success of the shampoo, I slapped it all over my head willy nilly, only to find myself sadly underwhelmed. I couldn’t tell if it was really doing anything, it just felt like rubbing a lemon, or small brick, or similar inanimate object  on my head or something, with no real outcome. Sadly, when I dried the hair, the product had had the same effect as if I’d tarmacked my head; greasy, heavy and dull. After a few uses and a bit of fine tuning, I worked out that I needed to us very little, but even then it’s too heavy for every day.

So I’ve opted for the dark web. Like where the kids buy their drugs these days. They’ll all be there picking up new varieties of heroin that make your tits explode off and I’ll be looking round for that sweet jojoba .Turned out I didn’t have to go that far, this isn’t 1695 and it’s no longer only old ladies who live in gingerbread houses that make their own toiletries, I found some on Ebay, so now I’m just sat here twiddling my thumbs and waiting to see if I’m the kinda gal who can seriously be organised enough to toiletry shop on Ebay.

TLDR Summary

Honey I Washed My Hair
Extra Fuss? None. Store it in a tupper next to the tub.
Equal to the high street version? Superior, by far, I smell like heaven
More Expensive? About £7 every two weeks, which is what I spent anyway
Easily Available: Internet and high street

The Plumps
Extra Fuss?
None. Store it in a tupper next to the tub.
Equal to the high street version?
Sadly not, way too heavy for fine hair, might be ok for thick or very curly
More Expensive?
About £7 every two weeks, which is what I spent anyway
Easily Available:
Internet and high street

2 thoughts on “Putting the Mental in Environmentalist

  1. Love your writing style and the Babadook reference! Great post, thanks for sharing. Definitely need to look at my use of plastics, currently focused more on cruelty-free and vegan but this is a huge issue as well!


    1. Thanks so much! Absolutely, one problem at a time! When you get the veggie/vegan bit nailed down I’ll hopefully be steaming ahead with my zero-waste life experiment so I hope to be helpful! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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